46th Air Refueling Squadron (SAC) Association

The Gospel According to SAC

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THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO SAC

 

IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS THE CINC, HE LOOKED ABOUT HIM AND SAID: "I AM LONELY".

SO HE DID THEN CREATE THE SKY, BUT LO, THE SKY WAS EMPTY. SO HE DID THEN CREATE MEN TO FLY IN THE SKY THAT HE HAD CREATED. HE CALLED THEM AIRMEN. BUT THE AIRMEN WERE WITHOUT FORM OR PURPOSE. SO HE DID THEN CREATE THE STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND. AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND SMILED AND HE SAYETH: "IT SUCKS".

 

THE CINC THEN ASSEMBLED THE MULTITUDES OF SAC TOGETHER AND HE SAW THAT THEY WERE NAKED AND WITHOUT RANK AMONGST THEM. SO HE SAID: "LET THERE BE STRIPES". AND LO, STRIPES DID APPEAR ON THE ARMS OF MANY OF THOSE ASSEMBLED. AND HE SAID: "LET THERE BE BRASS". AND LO, BRASS AND OTHER PRECIOUS METALS DID APPEAR ON OTHERS OF THOSE ASSEMBLED. AND HE SAID: "LET THERE BE WINGS". AND LO, WINGS DID APPEAR UPON THE CHESTS OF MANY OF THE MULTITUDE. AND TO THOSE WHO HAD NEITHER STRIPES NOR WINGS, BUT ONLY BRASS, THE CINC SAYETH: "YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONES, YE ARE THE STAFF." AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND HE SMILED AND HE SAYETH: "IT STILL SUCKS".

 

TAKING ASIDE THOSE OF THE MULTITUDE WITH WINGED CHESTS, HE SAID: "FLY". BUT THEY COULD NOT, FOR THEIR ARMS TIRED QUICKLY. SO THE CINC SAYETH: "LET THERE BE MACHINES TO FLY WITH THE BIRDS". AND LO, THERE DID APPEAR GROTESQUE MACHINES THAT DID FLY, AFTER A FASHION. AND SOME OF THESE HE CALLED BOMBERS AND OTHERS HE CALLED TANKERS. AND THOSE WITH WINGS AND BRASS HE PLACED IN THE FRONT. AND THOSE WITH ONLY WINGS HE PLACED IN BACK. AND THOSE IN THE BACK WERE KNOWN AS "SARGE", WHILE THOSE IN THE FRONT WERE CALLED "SIR". AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND HE SAYETH: "IT SUCKS LESS THAN IT DID".

BUT THOSE WITH WINGED CHESTS, THOSE IN THE FRONT CALLED "SIR", AND THOSE IN THE BACK CALLED "SARGE", THEY KNEW NOT THEIR FUNCTION. THEY WERE WITHOUT TRADE OR CRAFT. THE CINC THEN NOTED THAT THOSE WHO SITETH UPON THE LEFT SEAT GAVE THE APPEARANCE OF COMMAND. NEITHER THE EATERS OF BANANAS NOR OF OBTUSE WIT, BUT OF A SINGULAR PURPOSE. AND THE CINC SPOKE TO THEM SAYING: "YE ARE ABOVE ALL OTHERS, FOR THOUGH YE CAN NOT READ OR SCRIBE THE WORD, YE SHALL DRIVE MY MACHINES. YE ARE MY CAPTAINS, YE ARE MY PILOTS, AND UPON THEE I SHALL BUILD MY COMMAND."

AND THOSE THAT ABIDETH IN THE RIGHT SEAT WERE THEN CONSIDERED, THEY WERE WITH THE FACE OF A CHILD, WITH FUZZ OF CHEEK, AND OF UNCERTAIN AGE. THE CINC SPOKE TO THEM SAYING: "THO YE BE NOT OF SUFFICIENT AGE TO LIE WITH WOMEN, YE CAN READ AND SCRIBE THE WORD, YE SHALL BE MY COPILOTS. AND WHEN YE HAVE FORGOTTEN
READING AND SCRIBING AND ARE WITH THE SINS OF MATURITY, YE SHALL THEN BE ELEVATED TO THE LEFT SEAT".

 

AND THE CINC THEN LOOKED UPON INTO THE MACHINES AND SAW IN THE DEPTHS OF THE TANKERS AND THE BOWELS OF THE BOMBERS, THOSE UNABLE TO SEE EITHER PROGRESS OR DIRECTION FOR THEY WERE WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF WINDOWS. THE CINC SPOKE TO THEM SAYING: "YE SHALL BE MY NAVIGATORS. THO YE BE WITHOUT SIGHT AND DIRECTION, YE SHALL GUIDE MY MACHINES BY THE STARS AND BY FAITH."

 

AND DWELLING IN THE SAME PLACE IN THE BOWELS OF THE BOMBERS WERE THOSE OF ADVANCED AGE WHO DRANK HEAVILY OF THE GRAPE. THEY WERE OF BROKEN SPIRIT AND DID TWITCH IN A NERVOUS MANNER. AND THEIR HANDS WERE NOT STEADY. "THESE", SAYETH THE CINC, "SHALL BE MY RADAR NAVIGATORS".


ALSO ABIDING IN THE MACHINES CALLED BOMBERS WERE THOSE WITH BRASS AND WINGS WHO YET SERVED NO FUNCTION. BUT THE CREWS NEEDED SUSTENANCE AND BEARERS OF COFFEE, SO THE CINC CREATED ELECTRONIC WARFARE. HAVING CREATED ELECTRONIC WARFARE THE CINC THEN SAYETH: "YE SHALL BE MY EW'S, YE SHALL BEAR THE SCARS OF BARBS AND SLANDER, YE SHALL HAVE FREQUENTLY YOUR MANHOOD CHALLENGED, BUT LOSE NOT YOUR FAITH IN THE COMMAND. FOR YOUR TRADE SHALL BE WITH GREATER HONOR THAN THOSE WHO ARE DRESSERS OF HAIR".

 

THIS LEFT TO CONSIDER AMONG THE AIRMEN ONLY THOSE CALLED "SARGE" WHO DWELT IN THE BACK OF THE GROTESQUE MACHINES. "YE SHALL BE CALLED 'BOOMERS AND GUNNERS'", SAYETH THE CINC. "MY PILOTS SHALL SEE WHERE THE MACHINES ARE FLYING BUT IT SHALL BE YOUR PRIMARY DUTY TO SEE WHERE THE MACHINES HAVE BEEN. IN ADDITION, YE SHALL BOOM AND GUN, YE SHALL DRINK AND CAROUSE AND GROW FAT AND LIVE TO AN ANCIENT AGE WITH GRACE AND HONOR." AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND HE SMILED AND SAYETH: "NOW IT REALLY SUCKS."

 

BUT THE STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND AND THOSE WITH WINGS AND THOSE WITH WINGS AND BRASS AND THE GROTESQUE MACHINES WERE WITHOUT PURPOSE. SO THEN THE CINC SPAKE COMMANDING: "LET THERE BE ALERT" AND LO, THERE WAS ALERT UPON THE LAND.

THE AIRMEN OF SAC DID LEAVE THEIR HOMES AND DID DWELL IN CAVES. AND THERE THEY DID STUDY THE WORD. AND THERE THEY DID AWAIT THE WAR. AND HE DID LOOK DOWN AND HE DID SEE THEM LOOKING BACK, AND THEY DID SHOUT UP TO THE HEAVENS AS WITH ONE VOICE: "THIS SUCKS".

 

THE CINC DID KNOW THAT THEY WERE SORROWFUL AND WITHOUT JOY. SO HE DID SAY: "LET THERE BE CONTINGENCY AND CONVENTIONAL MISSIONS", AND THERE WAS CONFLICT ON THE EARTH AND IN THE AIR. WAR BEGAT TDY AND TRAVEL VOUCHERS, TRAVEL VOUCHERS BEGATE NON AVAILABILITY AND THEY ALL BEGAT BAHT, AND BAHT BEGAT
BRASS CANDLESTICKS AND TEAKWOOD ELEPHANTS AND EVIL WOMEN, AND EVIL WOMEN BEGAT PENICILLIN AND MUCH PAIN.

 

AND LO, THERE WAS A FLOOD UPON THE LAND OF PACHINKO MACHINES AND STAR SAPPHIRES AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND HE SMILED AND SAYETH: "HOT DAMN". AND THEN HE CREATED BANGKOK AND TI-CHUNG AND A STREET CALLED "BC" AND BONGO AND MISCUE. HE CREATED CELLS AND WAVES AND RENDEZVOUS AND BUSY ROOSTER AND PINK TOPOFF AND IN FLIGHTS OF RED AND BRASS HE CREATED A GATE CALLED CENTRAL SEVEN.

 

AND THE AIRMEN OF SAC, THOSE WITH WINGS, AND WITH WINGS AND BRASS DID SMITE AND HELP TO SMITE THE ENEMY. THEY DID SMITE HIM IN THE BUNKER, THEY DID RAVAGE HIS FOWL AND HIS BUFFALO AND SOON THE ENEMY WAS WITHOUT INTERDICTION POINTS FOR ALL WHO HAD BEEN SMITTEN.

AND SOON THE AIRMEN OF SAC DID WEARY OF WAR AND BAHT AND PAIN AND EVIL WOMEN AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND SMILED AND HE SAYETH: "IT SUCKS AGAIN".

 

BUT THEN THERE WAS PEACE UPON THE LAND AND THE AIRMEN OF SAC DID RETURN TO THEIR OWN LAND. AND LO, THERE WAS AGAIN ALERT AND IT DID SUCK AS NEVER BEFORE.

 

BUT THE CINC DID KNOW THAT THEY HAD DONE WELL THOSE WITH WINGS AND THOSE WITH WINGS AND BRASS, THOSE IN THE FRONT AND THOSE IN THE BACK, THOSE IN THE BOMBERS AND THOSE IN THE TANKERS, THOSE CALLED "SIR" AND THOSE CALLED "SARGE", THOSE WHO WERE PILOTS AND COPILOTS, THOSE WHO WERE EW'S, NAVIGATORS, RADAR NAVIGATORS, AND THOSE WHO BOOMED AND THOSE WHO GUNNED. AND HE SPAKE SAYING: "YE HAVE SERVED WELL AND YE SHALL BE REWARDED.

 

YE TOO, SHALL BE AMONGST THE CHOSEN ONES, YE SHALL ALSO BE AMONG THE STAFF." AND THEY LAID DOWN THEIR STICKS AND THEIR PLOTTERS AND THE INSTRUMENTS OF WAR. THEY THEN TOOK UP THE INSTRUMENTS OF THE CHOSEN CRAFT, THE VESSELS FOR COFFEE AND PENCILS AND SCHEDULES. THEY TOILED NOT AFTER SUNSET NOR ON THE SABBATH, AND THEY WERE HAPPY. AND HE LOOKED DOWN AND HE SMILED AND HE SAYETH: "HEAR ME MEN OF WINGED CHEST, ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE SAC SUCKS, IT SUCKS FOR THEE."

HERE ENDTH THE READING OF THE DAY...

 

Gospel

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